The clock is ticking

The clock is ticking, the calender is flipping, time is slipping away....
And I'm still stuck here, out of "time" looking at the world moving by.
So many things to do, yet I can't find the spirit to do them.

Solo

I am not cut out to live life alone

Grrr! Block leave is killing me.... Yet I wouldn't want to stay in camp without it.... Oh for the simplicity of going to school everyday. Lessons may at times be boring, homework may be hard, but everything was made much more bearable by the people around us. The vitality of the place filled us with energy, even at the end of the day where people are tired, many are still up for a game of bball. Even on the trip home, i still have someone to talk to.

Contrast that to today...
3 hours spent struggling with PyQt and still dunno how do simple things rawr!!!!!
2 hours on youtube watching John Green
2 hours sleeping
2 hours mapling
.5 hour playing poke

feelings during the above....

bored
why no one on fb to talk to
oh no new camp --> what is signals like
                          --> enciks/officers going to be nice not...
and my hse is so dead....

NS, NS quickly finish, and let me go university and say hi to everyone again...

Out of Control...

Powerless to change my current situation, this feeling is driving me to distraction...

Helpless to control where my path will take over the next two years, no matter what is my performance in SCS, I still cannot decide where I want to go for the rest of my NS life. Possibly when I look back after this is done, I might decide that this lack of choice had been a good thing in that it let me get to know more people that I will otherwise not know. It might even not affect my life very much but from the stories that people are telling, that might perhaps not be true haha. Whatever the case, the frustration now is real... hais

This lack of control is driving me nuts... RAWR!

hais, sth else is out of control too...

Change?

Never have I been asked to make new friends within 2 months only to watch them go their separate ways again and having to begin the process again. As someone who has always been surrounded by friends and yet is slow to make friends, this constant change is wearing me down, leaving me sad and lonely. These weekends without going out with my friends are some of the loneliest days of my life.

Watching others move on with their lives makes me wonder where I am going with mine. Stuck in NS for the next 1 year and 8 months should give me plenty of time to think about the next step of my life but no matter where I turn, we all seem destined to be stuck in a world where we are helpless to change things.

The last vestiges of childhood seem to be rapidly fading away, the pressures of having to fend for ourselves are mounting and in the face of these attacks, I am slowly losing myself. Never had I felt so down before, never have I wanted someone to be by my side so badly...

PS: what has happened to the little kid who could smile all day? The one who is never down? The one who looked forward to each day. Who took him away and left this person who dreads the next day, this person who can't summon the motivation to do anything?

Why do we serve?

Was walking home today, when I realised why I serve.
I want a Singapore that is like how it is today, a country which is orderly without being sterile, a country where people can walk down streets feeling safe. Perhaps others serve to protect Singaporeans but I find that be they Singaporeans or not, I want a place where people can rest and feel at home. Looking at the buildings around the country, I realised how much progress Singapore had made and was glad that I am doing my part in protecting it.

To do after A levels....

Code ;P
Run
Read
Bake
Darksiders I
Darksiders II
Kingdom of Amalur
Skyrim
American Sign Language
Ice skating
Basketball

Nepal

And... we are back....
Nepal was nice. Going back a second time gave a different kind of feeling. The first thing I realised was that our old camping site has become used for constructing new classrooms. I still recognise some of the kids there from last year but I don't think they recognise me anymore.
The villagers there seem to live a very relaxed life, but we who only went there for 7 days and only visited their village for 1 day can never be sure about that. Singapore is much too clean and we were not even given an opportunity to try their local food items as they were afraid that we would fall sick. Everything that we did there was first planned through carefully here in Singapore, nothing there was done on impulse except maybe Mr Ng letting us climb trees but even that was carefully thought about there.
Interacting with the kids have resulted in us realising that we have a lot more opportunities compared to the kids there. We were also kind of sad that those who can do well might not have a chance to do so in future due to where they were born. I believe that some of them are as smart if not smarter than us, we can see this through how they picked up what we were trying to teach them very quickly, much quicker than the others in class.They might have been able to excel and become some important members of society had they been born in a developed nation. I hope that in future, we would be able to sponsor one student a year to come to Singapore to study. This is quite hard however given the state of their current education in Nepal now.
The teachers worked very hard behind the scenes to ensure that we were doing what we had to do and that we did not have any accidents. Ms Choo's outburst might have seemed kind of an over-reaction to many of us at that time but in Thamel there were posters about a lady who has gone missing while trekking. We might not have been facing that kind of risk but if anything had happened to us how? There was a main road behind the school albeit there being not much cars there.
I hope I do not forget all that we have done and learnt there. Its only being 4 days since we have last seen the kids and already they seemed to be a lifetime away. I'm missing all the people around me and all the people for me to talk to, I'm so bored now alone....
Missing all my Saathis....

Night Sounds of the Yellow City

黄城夜韵
A cast and backstage crew who worked tirelessly to bring us the show, thank you!
A night of fun and thrills, behind it, one can imagine the work that goes on, looking at the tired, but delighted faces at the end of the show, one can tell the pride that they take in finishing this show.

Ah the things that they tried to say using the plays, somethings that we know and understand but refuse to take aboard. Often there are many things that we do not notice despite them being at times quite obvious. Haha it often takes others to show you how to look at things from a different perspective.
Hmm, hope I can still go next year ;P

JTS

Hahaha our much belated JTS....
Grinz, our table was the noisiest but dare I say the most fun table to be at
Learning how to cook was fun, thanks to ZY, we got to eat tasty onion chicken but the lousy Seoul Garden didn't want to give us our onions and made us waste lots of time haha oh well
Haha our soup became inedible due to the Tanghoon forming a layer of burnt things on top
We were laughing all throughout the evening, so fun ;P
Miss you guys, hope we will do something like that again soon

Lalala Blocks

Whee just chem and phys left for blocks ;P
Well econs wasn't so bad after all... though I still don't think can get A or B for it
Math was not up to standard....RARGH...but it aint too bad considered I studied about an hour for it
Chem.... hais stupid Cambridge... why must memorize stupid temperatures for rxns, oh well hope I remember my rxns for tmr
Phys should hopefully be okay since its just understanding ;P Hope I got enough time to digest it....

Oh well, they are just tests, just an annoyance in our time in school ;P Without them, there won't be the after tests feeling of relaxation ;P

OCIP

Writing OCIP essay is killing me.... Rargh! Really hope I get in though...

Hmm being troubled by a question that Ms Tay raised during the last trip. "By showing them all this stuff that we have, are we causing them to want things that are at the moment out of their reach? And if so are we doing more harm then good?"

Oh well, I shall just trust that the net benefits are greater than net costs and still sign up ;P and ponder that question some more during my free time

Journey

This trip that everyone has/get to take just once
How many of us truly observe all that happens, how many of us actually pay attention to the going ons?
Life goes on regardless...

The people we meet, those whose paths we are fated to cross
How do we treat them? How will we be remembered in their minds?
Angel or Demon, life goes on...

All the things we do, all the actions we take
Do we ever pay attention to the repercussions?
Good or bad, life goes on...

All the challenges, all the tasks
Do we choose the attitude we use to face each day or are we just slipping into one of indifference?
Optimistic or pessimistic, life goes on....

Time never waits
To try or not?
Life goes on....

This is a one way trip, there's no return trip to try again, we have to make the best we can out of this journey, make all the friends we can, do all that we can to make this world a better place before we leave ;P

I want to thank all of you for accompanying me on this trip of a lifetime, I hope we will still be walking abreast together in the years to come...

Emotions....

Have been wanting to write this post for a very long time but....

So confused... Sometimes just wonder why things just can't be clear... So many conflicting emotions, so many paths to walk.... Standing at this spot seems so tempting, but time is slipping away, wonder if we will ever understand what our hearts truly know and is trying to tell us....

On and unrelated note, programming is fun but I guess I will just have to meander along on my own now ;P
Haha can't wait for tmr... Hope we have more photos ;P
 p.s time to check the bus to take

Orientation

Tonight, the councillors are calling up their OG members. Remembering the night when I got my own call. It makes me feel so old...
Recalling that week that we went through together, it was fun but it's also over....
这世上没有不散的宴席。。。好久没有那么怀念某件事了。。。“珍惜现在”，多么好的建议但这么难办到啊。。。

Sleep or alternatives to them

School is highly intelligent in switching to a new EMB without informing anyone....

Risk, the boardgame, highly effective time-killer, nommed half the day of our day in the chalet. Oh well but it was great fun ;P Min Jie, ARY, Yaoch we need to continue someday!!! (Hope Yaoch dun die so fast, sry) Learning when to go all out and when to retreat is so much fun and so confusing too
Pool, not the one that you jump into, fun to see my friends being awesomely imba and potting shots out of nowhere, not quite so fun to foul almost every other shot... haha
Movies, not horror ones, these are fun ;P (why Sean so bad...)
Horror movies, these on the other hand are not
Saboteur, the game too, this is a very confusing game, not in how to play but rather in how people play it, how do you read people's action, when does someone's action show that he is a saboteur, when is he helping, when do you reveal you are a saboteur, what to do without showing that you are a saboteur while still moving towards your goal... Interesting how a game can teach you so much if you choose to pay attention to it, oh and psychology is so fun ;P
 Sleep, sth which is conducted reluctantly during a chalet
Chalet, a place where all these happens, just a place for you to meet for a few days, yet it can also be so much more....

Hahaha, an image stuck in my head now is that of everyone sleeping from 9 to 11am, after staying up late the night before... Sleeping during the day and playing in the night, it seems inverted yet it makes it own sense too ;P

I guess that marks the end of our first year in 11S7B, let this new year give us much more memories!!! A levels, and then we are free!!! One last hurdle ;P All the best~

PS Slapjack is fun ;P

Fencing

Yay fencing again!!!
Hahaha fencing so fun!!!
Trying hard to outsmart the opponent and training your endurance at the same time ;P
Must make sure my arms and legs are stronger.... Aching after warm up, is not a good idea :(

Bio O

Hais...
It has ended... It should have been okay but I randomly screwed up my biochem section...
I'm sorry to have let you all down...

Well its over, time to start doing holiday homework, and to prepare for next year, especially for econs...
Who wants to go out????

Unexpected

I got into biology olympiad practical round! Haha, after throwing it totally out of my mind after the test to prepare for chemistry olympiad, I got in. Hmm and after the test, I found that I got some wrong and also there was no time for some calculation questions. Oh well, after a year of not doing biology practical, its two weeks of intensive training. Never imagine that I will get to know the college biology lab so well after deciding to drop biology at the end of last year.

Well if one wants to look at it from another angle, the bad thing about it is that my holidays are cut short again due to the need to take time to study... haha i guess nothing is free, using free very loosely. Nothing is as straightforward as what we choose to believe and theres always two sides to a coin. But ultimately they are still parts of the same coin and we need to accept both the head and the tails.

An Amazing Day

It started off with SBO theory round. Alright, one thing down, hopefully I din't mess it up too badly. Time to start preparing for SChO...
Then, its off to Bishan to watch movie, 《那些年,我們一起追的女孩》. But before the movie started, we went to the arcade, where Song Hao was pro at playing the claw machine and won two toys ;P. Yay the little black cat and it's mouse.
The movie was so sweet, its kinda sad but at least they ended up as friends in the end... Hope I have someone to love like him...
Fac Outing!!!
Haha, in the end it was not the actual fac outing that was fun, it was rather the sitting by the reservoir's side listening/singing songs, in my case badly... It was nice to just be in the company of people who are important to us, wish we can do this again soon, its so rare that we get a chance to all just sit with nothing much to worry about or to study for.
Hmm wonder when we can go ice-skating....
I love you, SMTP 2011-12, especially 11S7B!!!

Post-PW

PW is finally over, phew...
Thank you Ray Yan!!!
Thank you the rest of my team-mates ;P
Without them, I would never have gotten this far.

Next up, Biology Olympiad!!! 3 more days!!!
I can't imagine the loneliness, and yet I can't wait for it to be over....